30 April 2022

Finding Your Vernacular

Brydie Mack

How does one find their original voice? Does it exist? And if so, where does it live? More to the point, how does one find it, extract it, and bring it into being? These questions have plagued me lately. For these reasons I have been absent from here, that is, from the digital page. And while obligations have kept me bound, something more melancholy persists. When in such a state, I always question the truth. If something feels off-kilter, I know, a higher truth seeks salvation. In other words I question the truth of the situation. That is to say, the underlying integrity and intentions behind it.

This post came about after a short, recent journal entry of mine. I’ve included it here to give insight into how our Rogue Agents give us clarity and perspective. Below is my entry, written in a free-form style. To preface, I write whatever comes to mind, without censorship. It is a process I use to engage with the subconscious.

26 April 2022

Under the purity of flame I sense an imposter. I worry if I will be understood. But at the same time I know that worry has no justification under the guidance of truth. Still,  I worry about the narcissism of writing from the point of I. More so, I fear the endless march advancing to nothing; going nowhere. Driven by an insecurity of no-how. A Neverland of broken thoughts. Ideas left to rot inside my head, entertained by flights that will never suffice. Or will they? Are they justified? Or are they the menace who seeks sabotage to satisfy a thirst for the impervious? Who are these imposters who believe it justified to riffle through my head? Identify yourself. Make yourself known. Declare your position. Victimism is cowardly. You are not an excuse to dictate terms. To make assumptions. To establish protocols and boundaries. You are a judgement in my head, one of many for that matter. Your position is heard. It has been relegated, without redactions and situated within the appropriate context. I will take it from here. Thank you. I neither seek, nor deny.

Amid this dejection I realised something important. Not something new, but a quiet clarity that gave me solace. That is, permission, from a psychological perspective, to accept my disposition. There is a tendency, at least in Western culture, that glorifies gain, or advancement by doing. That is to say, there’s a belief that doing more equates to greater productivity. The implication being furtherance, or success. I would be lying if I declared this symptom to have no effect on me. Although I don’t identify as being particularly ambitious, I do sustain an appetite. So it goes without saying that when unsatisfied, I too am susceptible to hunger. Of which convention gratifies with convenience. But I know too well that this is a trap. It’s a convenience offered in contempt. Luckily, my independence is too strong. My desire for freedom, stronger still. No matter how sweet the honey, my inclinations lead my intention toward action.

Still, I question the intersection between authenticism and commercialism. In an age dominated by constructions of truth, rather than truth per se. Media domination and narrative complacency are hereby ruled by hearsay. I ask, where does truth stand today? And yet, in my darkest hours of cynicism, I hold truth to define individuation. Not that it is prompt, or even forthcoming when required. Sometimes justice is elusive, and I have no explanation for this. But, whether immediately evident or not, truth must come full circle. It cannot be otherwise. And this brings us back to authenticity.

One does not find a new voice. Nor can one manufacture it. Rather, one accepts the courage to release the truth within. In whatever form it chooses, without fear, without expectation, without censorship. When expectation subjugates reason, danger arises. Why? Because in this moment you are a slave to outcome because you are beholden to those expectations. And should that reckoning fall short of idealism, you render your efforts a failure. This is why so many intentions fail in actuality. Many would rather live with possibility. To fantasise about ideas as seeds of possibility floating in their head. Many would rather occupy that space of a fantastical Neverland. Rather than deal with the idea of failure, for the risks associated with consequence are too much to bear. So actualisation remains a distant mirage.

This is because fear is all-consuming, it swallows courage and devours dreams . Gripped by the notion of failure excuses one from their duty of living. But in truth, there is no failure. There are experiences, there are lessons, and there is metamorphosis – for the brave. The alternative is stagnation, bitterness, regret, and resentment. The final summation for those who dare is transformation. But we cannot control the outcome of our transmutation. We can only choose to raise our mast and set sail, underneath the sky, and open to the wind. To surrender to experience—be it as it may—we must accept our fate. Yet, at the same time we must realise that our actions determine our course. That our perception determines the quality of our experience.

The Process

There are four foundational components that each relate to realising your unique voice. 

  1. Finding Your Truth 
  2. The Courage To Act
  3. Being Present In Experience
  4. Accepting The Outcome  

Finding Your Truth | Finding your genuine voice is about authentic expression. Stillness and presence are as important as action. At times it calls for the confidence to be still, exercise patience, and wait for the opportune moment to act. If you are not progressing toward your aim due to roadblocks or resistance, this may be a cue/clue to pause. Stop, reflect, and reconnect with your intuition, and reassess your intentions and motivations. Often no-action is more powerful than forced-action. As is the ability to say no to what is not desirable at any given moment. Expression of truth requires self-awareness, perception, timing, and considered action.

  • Cultivate | Presence/Self-awareness – Intuition – Courage – Experience
  • Avoid | Emulation – Fear – Self-doubt – Procrastination
  • Action | Do my actions reflect truth and integrity?
  • Finding Your Truth | Am I acting from a state of Presence and Self-Awareness?

The Courage To Act | This may be the most important step. Because, without action there can be no experience. And without experience there can be no progress. Experience leads to one of two things: a lesson, or progression. All experiences have a purpose. But the aim is to maximise those that lead to progression, and minimise those that lead to regression. Hence, effective action predisposes one crucial caveat; that is Awareness.

To simplify this process, ask yourself the most important question: Why? Understanding this is important because knowledge of your motivations gives you self-awareness. Without understanding why you do certain things, you are less likely to be able to change the way you do things. Which, of course, affects your decisions and actions. What’s crucial is the intention behind the action. This is what influences the outcome, whether pursued with conscious or unconscious intention. For example, you have an unconscious predisposition to people-please. So in situations your intentions are to anticipate what they want. Your actions are thus predicated on these assumed wants. This is an impossible task to fulfil. It will lead you nowhere; to appease others will only lead you astray. Instead, act from the integrity of your own truth. The reactions of others cannot be of primary concern. Cultivate the courage to be your own person, and act with honesty and integrity in your own time.

  • Cultivate | Honesty – Integrity – Genuine self-expression – Independence
  • Avoid | Acting for reward – Expectation of outcome – Placating others – Disingenuousness 
  • Action | Do my actions reflect honesty and independence?
  • Having The Courage To Act | Am I Aware of why I choose this course of action?

Being Present In Experience | Whatever you do, endeavour to exercise Presence. This is easier said than done. Especially when overwhelmed, in stressful situations or when inundated with tasks. Presence takes practice. Presence is the ability to be aware of one’s self, one’s environment, and others. It’s easier to cultivate awareness when engaging in simple, everyday tasks. That is, when at home, or when alone, or in the presence of close confidants. When you approach each task with intention and awareness your Presence will grow.

  • Cultivate | Presence – Conscientiousness – Intention  – Respect
  • Avoid | Disorganisation – Overcommitting – Absent-mindedness – Overreacting 
  • Action | Are my actions guided by self-awareness? 
  • Being Present In Experience | Am I Present at this moment?

Accepting The Outcome |  This one can be tricky. Often, the egoic self is so invested in an idea that it becomes dependent on the outcome. It’s helpful to realise that this is a story in your head that the ego has created. When fixed on an idea, it can be difficult to see other opportunities, because tunnel vision has set in. When your story goes off-script, or the characters don’t perform as expected, chaos ensues. Frustration takes hold, and it’s easy to become disgruntled and fall off the reservation.

The ego feeds on drama. It’s how it sustains itself. If you expect a certain outcome, expectation transpires. But success is not dependent on the particular outcome you have devised. It takes many forms; and comes in many guises. It may not take the form you planned, but that does not make it any less successful. Success is relative. The greatest skill is the ability to recognise opportunity amid the pandemonium. Again, a certain outcome may seem advantageous at a given moment. But, in the experience there is a lesson that you must learn before progressing to the next stage. There is always a lesson. Sometimes the lesson is to point you in another direction. Sometimes the lesson is to point you in another direction. One that may lead you somewhere greater than what you had envisioned.

There is a time for contemplation, a time for reflection, and a time for action. Honouring each stage of the process will reveal the path of least resistance. 

  • Cultivate | Flexibility – Stillness – Open mindedness – Being perceptive
  • Avoid |  Rigidity – Rushing – Hopelessness – Urgency 
  • Action | Do my actions flow with opportunities as they arise? 
  • Accepting The Outcome | What is the opportunity here?

To reiterate, all four components are necessary to find your authentic voice. The key part to remember is the action question for each, this will help to orient your consciousness. 

  1. Finding Your Truth | Am I acting from a state of Presence and Self-Awareness? 
  2. The Courage To Act | Am I Aware of why I choose this course of action?
  3. Being Present In Experience | Am I Present at this moment?
  4. Accepting The Outcome | What is the opportunity here?